Boycott HHHIMMMM!!!

I’m starting to worry. I even feel the butterflies of anxiety wracking my abdomen. Why? Well, I’m really worried that “HHHEEE” is going to be President of the United States. Why? Because I can’t do a freakin’ thing without seeing HHHISSS name, sorry, his BRAND, and HHHISSS ugly face posted all over everything!!! Facebook, the news (paper, TV, & internet), casual conversation….it is all about HHHIMMM all the time! And, it’s scaring the dung out of me.

I remember reading about the idea: your enemies gain strength and power the more you mention or declare their name. I believe this is what is happening here in 2016. I remember that democratic presidential campaign slogan from 2004 “Anyone but Bush.” I remember thinking, how do you win when you reference your worst nightmare’s name in your own slogan. And I was right…the pathetic Democratic Party fail happened, again…and I was glad because those suck-asses de-f#ckin’-served it!

But it’s beyond that now.

Today are faced with the real possibility of something worse than another Bush, or Jon Kerry, or another f#ckin’ Clinton!! We are in danger of having another 2004…another “Anyone but…HOLY SHIT!!!”

This is scary, serious stuff! Things are getting REAL fast.

But there is nobody to blame but us…me & you, all of us…left, right, center, and independent!

I tuned in to see HHHIMMM in the early Republican debates…not the other guys. I have watched and laughed at HHHISSS idiotic comments, I have sat riveted as some Cable TV news wonk throws around words like xenophobic, misogynistic, blah blah freakin’ blah! I eat up the news feeds tracking his every move, his every potential screw-up, his every potential blunder, his every outrageous proclamation, and his tweet wars, the protests, the violence, and everything else. And, I realized that HHHISS BRAND, HHHISSS name has come to dominate MMMYYY life. I looked at my phone and there were dozens of articles, dozens of articles, about how bad he is, how stupid he is…posted by his freakin’ OPPONENTS. I gagged, because I was having an epiphany that I did not want to have.

I then did an experiment. I went to the cable news channels — 4 of them in a row — on a Saturday afternoon…channel 22ish through, 25ish. Every single one of them displayed the f#cking BRAND!!! HHHISSS f#cking name FESTOONED in red white and blue graphics (that’s right I used the word festooned)! HHHISSS name and exploits crawled along the bottom banner like the curling fingernails of a circus freak; a shill for HHHIMMM (who seems to have a full time job as a supporter of HHHIMMM) explaining HHHISSS plan for the economy; an angry person denounced HHHIMMM; yet another jerkoff calling HHHIMMM xenophobic, misogynistic, racist, bigot…AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!!! Another one mocks his voters and supporters, calling them stupid, calling them idiots…AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!!! There is no such thing as bad publicity. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BAD PUBLICITY! I know it, you know it, we all know it….HHHEEE knows it, and HHHEEE’s exploiting it!

My epiphany is complete.

We are watching a very cagey billionaire gaming the system, making suckers of us all…supporters and opponents alike! What we are witnessing here is not necessarily a race for the White House, but the building of the most massive and dominant BRAND in the history of the planet. The presidency or whether HHHEEE gets it or not is insignificant…win or lose those 5 letters will be permanently “branded” on our brains and our souls forever. It is not about America, or Americans. It’s all about greed…HHHISSS money, HHHISSS BRAND, HHHISSS empire (yes empire), HHHISSS family wealth, and building HHHISSS name so large that no mere building would have the strength to support it. And what is the endgame? Selling bullshit consumer goods…getting us to mindlessly pour dollars into HHHISSS pockets…whether we support HHHISSS campaign or not.

It stops now! Just voting for “somebody else” is NOT ENOUGH!!!

1 boycottFrom here on out I am calling on smart Americans, those that are appalled and horrified by HHHISSS bluster, rhetoric, agenda, and platform to boycott HHHIMMM and all that pertains to HHHIMMM. Do not utter the name, do not buy in to the BRAND…don’t make fun of HHHIMMM or his supporters. Surpass the negative articles on your smart phone apps…if you see HHHISSS likeness, or BRAND on TV, or the faces of HHHISSS freakin’ self-promoting spawn, eclipse the image with your own extended middle finger, yell F#CK OFF, and then change the channel to punish the news outlet for perpetuating and promoting this national disgrace. Torture HHHIMMM with indifference. Deny HHHIMM the power of one second of your precious time…because YOUR time is worth something too…don’t hand this important currency over to HHHIMMM!! Compel your likeminded friends to do the same, as this might be the most important grass roots movement we have ever had.

Make a vow, to only lift your personal boycott when they are reporting HHHISSS demise!

I am a writer, a decent one. I started blogging a few years ago to help build my brand, to promote my career as a writer. Unfortunately, I am a writer with very few readers, so obviously I need all the help I can get to draw readers in. One way to attract readers is by putting “key words” in the title of your work to draw hits from internet searches. For example, my most viewed post, by far, had the word “porn” in the title. That being said there are certain “words” or “names” or “personalities” that might help a blog like this “go viral.” However, I refuse to piggyback on the name of a pig…even if it might help me gain a measure of success.

F#ck HHHIMMM!

Let the boycott start now!

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Right Wingin’…Bitter Clingin’

With super Tuesday here, some of it is old news, but just enough is still relevant. Enjoy!

Alfonso K. Ajello

It was a big joke this week, and everybody got a big laugh out of it. I am talking about Sara Palin and her endorsement of Donald Trump.

All of the left-wing late-night funny-men had a field day showing us clips and soundbites of the most embarrassing parts of an embarrassing rant. It was all over social media too. Everybody seemed to be laughing it up over something I consider to be frightening, terrifying even.

It’s not that somebody like her COULD get elected to 1 stupidthe most powerful office in the world, it’s not even the fact that millions of my country men and women would vote for somebody like her. It’s more than just stupid and scary and flat out dangerous people… candidates…running for the most powerful office seat in the entire world. It’s not that hundreds of thousands of people fall into lock step with the scary and…

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Right Wingin’…Bitter Clingin’

It was a big joke this week, and everybody got a big laugh out of it. I am talking about Sara Palin and her endorsement of Donald Trump.

All of the left-wing late-night funny-men had a field day showing us clips and soundbites of the most embarrassing parts of an embarrassing rant. It was all over social media too. Everybody seemed to be laughing it up over something I consider to be frightening, terrifying even.

It’s not that somebody like her COULD get elected to 1 stupidthe most powerful office in the world, it’s not even the fact that millions of my country men and women would vote for somebody like her. It’s more than just stupid and scary and flat out dangerous people… candidates…running for the most powerful office seat in the entire world. It’s not that hundreds of thousands of people fall into lock step with the scary and disgraceful things they say…these right wingin’ bitter clinger’s to their guns and their Gods and their religions…and their DUHHH constitutions.

No, it’s more insidious than that.

A “Right Wingin Bitter Clinger” WILL be running for president soon, you can bank on it. So will a democrat. My question, is what happened to the republican? Since when did the republican become Ted freakin’ Nugent in a suit? Remember when, not long ago, the republican species was…John McCain, or Mit Romney? At the very least these candidates had a fleck of respectability, and you trusted, at the very least, that they might be credible and responsible leaders if they were elected even though you didn’t necessarily agree with their position on the issues. You didn’t necessarily feel that a vote for them was a vote for stupidity, for danger, for war, for armageddon, for fascism, for bigotry, for intolerance, for oppression, for flat out greed.

Republicans have disappeared; they have become “Bitter Clingers.” But what have democrats become? I maintain that the true democrat is still out there, but he is buried in his own party. In my opinion, Bernie Sanders is the traditional FDR style democrat currently, not Hillary Clinton. In my view, Hillary Clinton is the closest thing we have to a true republican and she’s wearing blue. If you simply flipped flopped her views on “hot button distractions issues” such as guns, fetuses, and gay marriage she would be “Reagan light” beholden to big money and corporate donors just like any other 2 party figurehead.

So, now I shudder when I see what a general election might look like…a Bitter Clinger versus another Clinton.

This is not eve an illusion of choice anymore.

What scares me is this seems to have slipped under the nose of the smart and sensible people in this country. The slow death and infected rotting corpse of a Democracy…a scam of a political system and electoral process that has left us with no choice but to vote down the stupid and dangerous.

It has become incumbent upon sensible people to simply keep the dangerous people, dangerously stupid and /or dangerous in general, out of office. What used to be settling for the “least worst” of 2 shitty candidates has devolved into common sense versus non-f#cking-sense…with choice taken clearly out of the mix! Our next general election will be a crusade against idiots or megalomaniacs. This is a tragic loss for all of us and a big win for big money.

But I still have hope.

I’m idealistic enough to believe that we could all end us as winners, right and left wing bitter clingers alike. In my innocent and spongy brain I see a popular loser of the primary, who got beaten to the nomination of their sham political party running as a third party, or as an independent for president against this scam of a system. I see a populous breaking free from the corrupt red versus blue  mentality and understanding that we do have choices, and that even one vote for a third or independent party outside of the red vs. blue flim-flam is a victory for a real democracy and a step toward revolution.

Before I log off, I want to discuss another bitter clinger who I just want to freakin’ go away.

Ted freakin’ Nugent.

Ted, do me a favor and just play guitar. Play guitar and sing Wango ZEE Tango and then just shut the f#ck up. Shoot your bow and arrow, hoard your precious guns in your spare time, slaughter as many fuzzy critters as you care to shove down your esophagus, and then just shut the f#ck up about it.

Believe what you want, you are free to do so. I support your freedom to do whatever and say whatever you want — including being a total A-hole f#ckhead. I don’t care.

But, promote what you are GOOD AT, not what you absolutely SUCK AT.

You absolutely suck as a political activist. You are a poorly conceived caricature and a mockery of the cause you claim to represent, and with every bit of gibberish you speak you further marginalize your “movement.”

STFU!!!!

STFU!!!!

You are a good and qualified guitar player that produced some decent tunes back in the day…please, stick with that. Embrace being an aging rocker with some gas left in the tank as Lemmy or David Bowie did. There is no shame in being a working musician…in fact there are thousands of us out there that wish we could step on a stage and have throngs of people yelling for us to play your own original compositions that are revered as classics. Wear the badge proud, make some eardrums bleed and bring a smile to a roomful of drunks and maybe write a new song every once and a while, if you can.

We don’t give a shit about you as a political windbag. Crank your amps to 11, strap on your guitar and duct tape your mouth closed.

If you play good music I will listen and crank you louder, if you want to talk politics I will shut you off completely.

Thanks!

MY Top 30ish Favorite Songs of All Times

As I bounce about my life thoughts rattle around in my skull and I do my best to organize them. Some things are important and need to be organized; other things are just BS that I can, and should, forget. One of the later is a list of my favorite songs, and even though it’s all BS that doesn’t matter I feel compelled to commit the time and energy to list them, and share them with a world that doesn’t give a crap.

I pondered a Top 10 list, but there were way too many, so the list kept growing. As the list grew to over 20 I started to feel like I should just blow it off, but then I visited Rolling Stone and saw that they have a top 500 list of albums, songs, and top 100 guitarists.  If they are allowed to be longwinded and conciliatory to every song ever written and every deushe to strap on a guitar I figured I should give myself the leeway to do as long a list as I please — besides, nobody is gonna read it anyway.

There are some parameters I set for myself here for the sake of brevity. First, I am only including one song from each artist, with the caveat that almost all these bands (or albums) have multiple fantastic tunes that I wish I could include, but can’t because I want to get on with my life. I included a brief comment on each song, and although there are numerous “honorable mention” songs I have tried to keep them to a minimum.  Note that the songs have a common thread — they are meaningful to me as a music fan and artist/guitarist/songwriter…these are the ones I always go back to and never ever forget. Finally I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks cuz this is my freakin’ list.

So here we go, in no particular order:

1 led-zep-my-brain-hurts-white-lblGood Times Bad Times, Led Zeppelin:  It all begins and ends here…the hook-line for an entire musical genre. Skull crushing drums, off the hook guitar playing and tone, other worldly vocals — no single song set the tone for my musical fandom and guitar player’s life more than this one.

Midnight Rambler, Rolling Stones:  Violence expressed though music. I remember hearing the last line of this song on my Mom’s radio when I was like 5 years old and wondering if I was going to get a knife shoved down my throat the next time I went out to play.

Wheels of Confusion, Black Sabbath: I remember first listening to this beast of a song as a kid and I have the same reaction to this day. It makes me stop what I’m doing, and get lost in the wheels of Tony Iomi and Geezer Butler. NIB could make this list too…along with the rest of Vol. 4 and Master of…never mind.

Minstrel in the Gallery, Jethro Tull: Some songs are just too freakin’ big for a record, or for a young mind to comprehend. This heavy guitar epic inched out My God, which to me is quite a feat.

BandOfGypsysMachine Gun, Jimi Hendrix/Band of Gypsies: Literally spent entire days, guitar in hand, listening to this song over and over in absolute awe. Aside from the amazing guitar…dark images of war over a cataclysmic soundscape…WOW.

Memory Pain, Johnny Winter: The opening notes of this song left a welt on the side of my temple that still has not gone away and a lot of additional welts about my chest, neck, face and head from all the flat-out belligerent guitar on this song…the definition of heavy blues crossing over to hard rock/metal.

December’s Spawn, Crowbar: This is maybe the heaviest song from the heaviest band…so heavy that the “Sonic Excess” truly moves the air out of your lungs and makes mountains rise up from the sea. Truly “Repulsive in Its Splendid Beauty.”

I Have the Body of John Wilkes Booth, Clutch: The self-titled Clutch album was one that made me a lifetime Clutch fan, and this song was the first tune on side II of the cassette. I rewound & re-listened to it so many times that the poor thing exploded. THAT’S RIGHT! I…HAVE MR. BOOTH!!!

KeithRichardsBrothers in the Wind, High on Fire: A masterpiece that I wish I wrote, and a cornerstone song on the amazing Blessed Black Wings album – a compilation of guitar songs so heavy and freakin’ beautiful that it brought tears (of joy) to my eyes the first time I listened to it.

They’re Red Hot, Robert Johnson: I made a pact with myself to not use the word quintessential in this list, but there is a lot of quintessential shit on the Robert Johnson collection. In fact, it is the guidebook for the blues and the forms and structures have been recycled and raped ad-nausea since then. They’re Red Hot is the one song of the entire collection that still seems unique, original, cool and funny as hell after all these years.

Number of the Beast, Iron Maiden: As a God fearin’ Catholic kid I was terrified that I would be struck by lightning and sent to hell just for listening to this song, so it’s possible that a riff sent me to Hell. But then I reasoned that if God is a guitar player he might forgive me, and even if he’s not I’d approach the pearly gates saying, “Dude! Check out this riff!”

1 blessedSky Pilot, Eric Burdon & The Animals: Great storytelling that puts you in a war zone for 9 minutes. You can actually see the faces and arms blown off and the machinery burning…and the weeping of parents on the home front.

Green Grass and High Tides, Outlaws: Freebird is the flagship song for extended southern rock jams, but this tune is way better in my opinion, more emotion, great lyrics…and, oh yea, guitar, GUITAR and more GUITAR.

Dixie Whiskey, EYEHATEGOD: Sometimes written words are not enough to explain the impact and power a song can have…and sometimes a band can capture a moment where rage, and frustration, and angst, and chemicals intersect and create 3 minutes that blow you away.

Regal, Godflesh:  Such beautiful simplicity, such mind bending heaviness, unreal guitar tones. This is an example of a song transmitting extreme negative (almost forbidden) emotionally honest content through beautiful, uncompromising heaviness played against subtlety, restraint, and finesse.

The Horned Goddess, The Sword: This song represented something vital, that a current artist could do something with a vintage feel, with an old school sensibility yet was still new, and modern, and freakin’ kicks ass.

Number Thirteen, Red Fang: Another relatively modern band, and great song that will light-up the old timers and gray beards.

1 sab cover_3433162272009Embodiment, Carcass: Sometimes a great band has the ability to control your life for 4 or so minutes. This masterpiece in the center of a masterpiece starts off plodding and dangles you somewhere between doom and all out speed metal.  You expect it to explode, you feel the tension, you know it’s coming, but it never quite gets where you expect it to go…instead, it leads to something amazing.

Powder Finger, Neil Young: Sometimes heaviness comes from the story being told rather than the output of amps and the drums.  This song combines a tragic story and heavy band to form a mini-graphic novel involving a casualty of war.

God Machine: Acid Bath: This is a slasher movie and a gothic horror story wrapped up in one grizzly 4 minute gore fest.  Aside from that, it is a mind bending piece of music, a masterwork that confuses, disorients, frightens and causes a sort of musical vertigo as the song ties together and ends just as it seems to be getting going.

The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down, The Band: All about mourning and destruction and the aftermath of war. Great storytelling paints a historic canvas, nice riffs, tons of emotion…fun to sing when you’re drunk.

Soundgarden, Loud Love: So many great riffs in one song, so much drama, so much cool Zepplinyness but still totally original. This was by far the high water mark of that whole grunge Seattle thing, although I didn’t really consider Soundgarden grunge.

Theme From an Imaginary Western, Mountain: After I finished this list I realized I would have to come back and add this obvious gem that I forgot. Emotional melodic guitar, doesn’t get better.

Biscuits for Smut, Helmet: Helmet put out a lot of my favorite heavy music through the decade of the 90’s (if that’s what you want to call it), and it almost seems unfair to only pick one song out of what is actually an amazing body of work…great riffs great drumming, the whole package…and “Biscuits” is a crazy weird masterpiece.

Walk Don’t Run, The Ventures: Pure guitar in the days when it was all about front men and personalities. There is a lot of great music from this time period from guitar oriented singers such as Chuck Berry, but I latched on to the Ventures because they were always all about melodic guitar.

Weeds, Life of Agony: A weird selection in that this tune does not appear on my favorite LOA album (Ugly). Weeds appears on the Soul Searching Sun album, which is good but not as great as UGLY or River Runs Red, that being said, great song.

Bridge of Sighs, Robin Trower: The title of this song says it all, but the sorrow in the guitar playing and the vocals are so genuine, unforgettable, totally involving, and addicting

Couldn’t Know, Paw: an unknown and underground gem that velcroed itself to me in the mid-nineties when I first heard it on Pirate Radio that I still appreciate to this day.

Bullet in the Head, Rage Against the Machine: This is about the closest I ever got to rap or hip hop, but probably only because it features a lot of heavy guitar artistry. Whatever this was gernre wise, it is freakin’ amazing.

1 album-cleansingWhose Fist is This Anyway, Prong: A classic nestled within a classic metal album (Cleansing). This is what guitar playing is all about for me, the loud angry rhythmic, chunking, chugging, pummeling and percussive riffs…what’s ignored sometimes is the importance of great tone on the rhythm side of the spectrum for guitar players. Nowhere is it done better than on this song (for me at least).

Tornado of Souls, Megadeath: A mind bending display of fret acrobatics packaged in a thrilling song that actually makes the vocals tolerable.

Air that I Breath, The Hollies: Some songs have power no matter what genre they appear in. Even though I almost consider it to be easy listening it moved me the first time I heard it and still does, and proves that great songwriting transcends all the classifications and BS.

Fade to Black, Metallica: This is the one Metallica song I can’t do without. If you burned all of my Metallica stuff I would fight just to keep this one tune…and the Master of Puppets album, and…never mind!

Dig Up Her Bones, Misfits: I’m not a big punk fan…in order for me to listen to punk I need to be drawn into it by a great metal crossover tune (which I think puts this song at odd with a lot of punk purists…whatever that means). When I heard this song on Pirate Radio I was an instant fan because it’s more metal than true punk, so I picked up the album and now I’m a fan of the rest of the album too.

Trainwreck, Mastodon: Actually feels like a train wreck, not actually the wreck itself but the chaos before and during impact…captured in music, which is an incredible feat. This is one of the great drum performances in metal history, and must be heard to be believed.

Bertha, Grateful Dead: Acid rock seemed so cool (to me) and dangerous (to my parents) when I was a young teenager…until we discovered it was just country music…WTF. Bertha always stands out to me as the ultimate dance song…in Giants Stadium, amongst 80,000 stoners, during a torrential downpour.

It Ain’t Like That, Alice in Chains: Partial credit for my tinnitus goes to this song and the classic Facelift album.

Tupelo, John Lee Hooker: At one point in my life I tried to learn about the influences of my biggest influences…only to discover that it was the same song over and over. Tupelo stands out as a haunting and unique masterpiece.

SWLABR, Cream: This weirdish riff and song is by far my favorite Cream song, and by far my favorite Clapton song. Love the phrasing of the riffage and the tone of the guitars. She Walks Like a Bearded Rainbow (in case you’re wondering).

Highway Star, Deep Purple: White knuckles behind the wheel of a hot-rodded riff battle between Blackmore and Lord.

Green Machine, Kyuss: Lotta cool stuff off a lotta cool albums…another band that helped make the 90s tolerable…the stoner’s Highway Star.

Devil MusicWarp Asylum, White Zombie: I consider Devil Music to be more of an art piece than an album. With the exception of the iconic hit song off this album (Thunder Kiss 65) this is one of my favorite moments from the album, or any 90’s classic…SSSSSLLLLOOOOWWW spooky doom.

Seasons in the Abyss, Slayer: One of the great metal songs and riffs that punctuates a true monster of an album. I’m not a huge fan of Slayer but this is one that singed my eyebrows off, and continues to singe my eyebrows off every time I listen to it…and I appreciate it.

I know I probably missed something, but who cares…apparently, I blog to myself.

Thanks and Happy Holidays!

Machine Gun Porn (Irks of July 2015)

Alfonso K. Ajello

About a year and a half ago I published a blog called Bushmasters, Firebirds, and Fishing-rods. This was a short essay that focused on how I felt about guns, gun control, and very idealistically about doing something to make the world a better place. I got some very good feedback on this blog so I decided to re-blog it every time there was a shooting. I re-blogged it about two weeks ago when servicemen were gunned down, and then there was another mass shooting in a movie theater just this week. So now my problem is that I don’t feel like re-blogging.

I’m tired of seeing tears on CNN over some innocent person that got gunned down by some lunatic shooter, then changing the channel to apes riding horses firing machine guns, men firing machine guns at indominus rex, machine gun fire again, gunshots again, somebody’s head getting blown…

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Password Vertigo (Irks of November 2015)

Alfonso K. Ajello

You sit down at your desk, at work, at home, in Starbucks, at the public library. Your PC or laptop fires up and once it does (if it does) and you try to accomplish something you are confronted with that box that asks you for user ID and Password. Your mind goes blank as you type in your user ID…then the password. As a mere mortal I sit for a moment and stare blankly into the empty rectangle with the cursor tucked in the left corner winking at me. My brain activates, and begins the task of organizing hundreds of 6 or 8 or more character phrases that may or may not require capital letters, numbers or “special” characters.

My son’s first name and pee-wee hockey jersey number pops into my head…but my son is 16U now, why am I remembering a password from 4 years ago? OK, wifey’s first…

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Password Vertigo (Irks of November 2015)

You sit down at your desk, at work, at home, in Starbucks, at the public library. Your PC or laptop fires up and once it does (if it does) and you try to accomplish something you are confronted with that box that asks you for user ID and Password. Your mind goes blank as you type in your user ID…then the password. As a mere mortal I sit for a moment and stare blankly into the empty rectangle with the cursor tucked in the left corner winking at me. My brain activates, and begins the task of organizing hundreds of 6 or 8 or more character phrases that may or may not require capital letters, numbers or “special” characters.

My son’s first name and pee-wee hockey jersey number pops into my head…but my son is 16U now, why am I remembering a password from 4 years ago? OK, wifey’s first name and year of birth…NO. My middle name and year of birth, my initials and street address. I cut bait on trying to use my brain power to remember and I rely on a manual list (luckily I remembered to update it), finally I am in. but over the course of a day I hit the same tar pit. Another password another mental failure…and I realize, better not lose this freakin’ list of passwords. My entire life and my productivity depends upon my ability to recall passwords, not just one or two, but dozens of the little rats spit at me by bitchy websites and programs.

Some passwords last in perpetuity, but some change every 30 days, some of them change every 60 days, and some change every 90 days. Some of them require numbers and caps, some of them require a special character, some of them must exceed a certain amount of characters, and some of them are OK with all lower case. Some of them are real bastards too. Did you ever get a password rejected because you used a variation of it within the last 12 months? Did you ever think that unhappiness equates directly to the number of passwords you are forced to remember on a daily basis…how much of our creativity and productivity is leeched away by being forced to remember 20 or more passwords? And the worse part about it is that your 8 character password, (including caps and numbers with a special character) are not good enough to protect you from being hacked. A news report informed me a few months ago that it might take a hacker only a few seconds to breach my system…and that “passWORD” isn’t good enough anymore that we are actually going to have to expand to passPHRASEs…passSENTENCEs. What is next PassPARAGRAPHs, PassESSAYs.

Yes, I acknowledge technology is great, but password vertigo is a byproduct of technological advance that makes me long for the days when all we had was static crispy radios, 5 channels, and a black and white Zenith.

I don’t know why it irks me…it just does.

Stupid catch phrases always bugged me. Remember this idiotic catch phrase meant to pander to aging people: 60 is the new 50? No it isn’t! 60 is still 60 and 50 is still 50…not 40. As if this going to make me feel better about being an old f*ck! Tell my 50 year old ass, neck, back that it’s really 40!

Well I am hereby adopting one of these ridiculous mechanisms to make a point: VAPING and driving is the NEW texting and driving.

Aside from vaping being one of the most annoying and disgusting perversions of modern society, I believe it is freakin’ dangerous. On more than one occasion over the last month or so I witness a driver struggling to operate a steering wheel with one of these cumbersome apparatus in their hand. I wonder how many innocent people have to be mowed down until we start seeing big light-up signs on the highway saying: Don’t Vape and Drive — sponsored by MAVD (Mothers Against Vaping Drivers).

It’s time to put down the cell phone and slather the vape in KY-Jelly and stick it in your glove-box – and just freakin’ drive.

I don’t know why it irks me…it just does.

Can we stop with this pretense that Thanksgiving is actually a time to give thanks and be grateful for the things that we have and just fucking admit that Thanksgiving is all about food – flat-out gluttony, consumption, and mind bending caloric intake. But that’s not quite as bad as hearing everyone and their cousin lament about it over the water cooler on Monday morning.

Shut the Eff up!

I don’t give a crap about how much freakin’ yardbird you ate and how sick you felt afterwards…and how much putrefying leftovers you have to throw out! I have my own dead bird carcass to dismantle and process!

Freakin' gobble

Freakin’ gobble

And, can we do without the ceremonial “pardoning of the turkey” by the President that is all over the news on Thanksgiving morning as a tongue-in-cheek sort-of human interest story? I am always so appalled at the platinum white, obese, agri-business produced gobbler clone…this prop that stands next to the President and gets its life spared as it sh#ts uncontrollably down its legs and onto its feet with that blank “I’m a clone turkey…I don’t realize you were gonna cut my head off rip my feathers out, shove wet bread up my ass and incinerated me for 5 hours” look on its face.

Then inevitably they cut to stock footage of turkey farms where millions of doomed platinum white, obese, agri-business produced gobbler clones stumble about a crowded pen…all about to be slaughtered, shit out, and flushed by the American populous over the course of a three-day weekend.

DUDE! How about pardoning me from this idiotic waste of time and resources?

I don’t know why it irks me…it just does.